Momtalk: Teens and Body Image

As children turn into teens, girls wish they were taller, shorter, thinner, with curlier or straighter hair; boys want to be cooler or have that swagger. No matter the wish, teenagers always seem to want to be something other than what they are.  And in reality, most adults have the same thoughts; we’ve just come to accept who we are over the years.

The obsession with appearance is touted by magazines, television and movies, but more often than not, it’s the lunchroom chatter that drives a lot of the insecurity.  From what I’ve experienced, it’s not specific demeaning comments of others that drive most kids; it’s the chatter amongst friends.  Girls like to talk about dieting, what they couldn’t possibly eat and how they’ll need to work off extra calories. Boys talk endlessly about lifting weights, being better athletes and making sure to stand taller around the other guys.  By being a part of everyday conversations, kids feel the need to conform and fit in.  The skinny girl wants to diet because her friends do; the athletic boy works out harder to maintain his standing among his friends.

So what is a parent to do?

In our house, we always made it clear that food choices and exercise choices were made for good health not appearance.  We try not to talk about getting fat and out of shape, but instead try to focus on things like high blood pressure, diabetes and other side effects of poor diet and exercise choices. 

It’s hard to tell if a child is going too far in their food and exercise decisions, but we’ve always used the rule of thumb of “nothing to excess.”  If there is an interest in eating better, we support it, but if there is an interest in skipping meals or eating very little, we talk about what is going on.  Exercising is a good thing when done in moderation, but we take note when it seems to be the main focus.

One thing I learned when we moved was that food may be one of the only things a teen/child can feel in control of during a stressful time.  Shortly after moving two hours from where our kids grew up, our daughter adopted a vegetarian lifestyle.  At first, we were concerned, but as time went by, we found that with our help she was eating healthy.  She remained a vegetarian for a little over a year before returning to a standard diet.  I made sure to make meals that could be altered for her vegetarian palate and she began eating protein bars to fill that gap.   While I’ll never know for sure if she made the change to have some control over her life, or just to do something different, I do believe that it wasn’t a coincidence that it coincided with our move -- even if it was a subconscious decision on her part.

Some kids are naturally skinny and some are naturally heavier; knowing when it’s a problem comes from knowing your kid and his behaviors.  If you see a change, watch and listen, and you should be able to see if there is a problem.  And always stay tuned in to the “chatter.” It’s very telling of their lives.

Do you see food or body image issues with your kids or their friends?  How do you react?